I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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