i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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