he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I deserve this hangover.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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