I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
