I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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