There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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