i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
