I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
