Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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