Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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