I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
