It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
