Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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