why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found puke in my bra..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
