My hand turned me down
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
