oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Randomize
