her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
