Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
