so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
zippers are such a cool invention
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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