My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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