so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
