...so i touched it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the day after is always just damage control
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
