Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
