Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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