Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
