Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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