Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
