it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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