All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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