the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
