i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
