I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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