Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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