I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He did a backflip because drugs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
