ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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