I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
