I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
