Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
