hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
