Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
