This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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