She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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