and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize