Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
