We won't sleep together?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
