Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
