so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
