omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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