Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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