The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
