im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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