I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
