it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
