if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
