well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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