Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
