i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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