she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
