so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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