Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
